May 9th, 2006
im back bitches!! ill be on l8r
April 27th, 2005
|09:17 am - quit playin games with my heart (kevin, carmello, and deantonnii)|
i kant believe Foxy Brown and Jackie-o gots in a fight and didnt invite me! I fend to be petty over that one, i mean... cum on girls! lets do it right and be a street battle. me and jacki vs. foxy and lil kim (before she fend 2 go 2 prison). i never liked foxy or kim (just because we're all half sisters and slept with 5 of the same men duz NOT mean we is cool). they are trashy. jacki-o is a class act like me.
anyways. so my ex Kevin called me yesterday. he be crying about how his wife is pregnant and shit and he dont want the baby so he flew to NYC and we hung out and he just needs me, you know? once you go black you never go back. him and shar wuz so cute, i iz mad at britney for taking him away from her and me. he is such a classy man (especially his uncircumcized penis).
anyhoo. life is good. i got a new boifriend (carmello). he dont know hes my new bf yet but im bout to go down to TRL and beat La-La's ass so he can be mine 4 ever. ok gots 2 go, my parole officer is at the door and she is PISSED.
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: the garden state soundtrack
April 1st, 2005
|11:16 am - ski rocketz in flite... wooo! afternoon deelite!|
Where are you?
on the back po'ch of p. diddy's hamptons estate
Where do you want to be?
in the back of Ja's C class
Who do you have with you now?
Montez and Mama and Deantonnii
Who do you want with you?
Dubya... he is dumb like me but we both is cute and have large genitalia
What do you want right now?
that vibrater i saw on sex an the city... the pocket monster or whatev
What are you getting right now?
my pussy eaten=== thanx donald!
Favorite hair color?
Favorite eye color?
i shave. oh eye i thought you said something else. um red
coconut flavored lube
it's so smooth and comforting
big p's gravesit R>I>P> eternal!
well either my old navy flag shirt frum 99 or my pasites which are rilly just double stuff oreo wiff sum glitter and scotch tape
jordache high waisted stone wash!
man, i sho be barefut n preggres
overture of 1812 OR fuck me for free- akinyele
deantonie or sharon o (osbourne) or kelly, she is coo too but kinda big and not big in the good way i'm used to
Favorite personallity trait?
ready and willing
Most unfavorite personality trait?
class? like low class or rich? shit i be bouts to cop a mansion
Favorite alcoholic drink?
i don't drink
Favorite line to get out of trouble?
i can give u whatever you can handle (FREEK A LEEK!) thanx petey
Favorite pick up line?
if u cum home wit me i sukka yo dicka 4 free!
Favorite thing to do?
Favorite song to blast in your car?
mandy- rod stewart
Smartest person you know?
probably ja to be honest
Dumbest person you know?
kimberly! that whore is going to JAIL!
Hottest person you know?
Weirdest person you know?
Biggest dork you know?
the guy who plays urkle, we used to 'hang out' when we wuz kids
Biggest loser you know?
Sluttiest person you know?
Most innocent person you know?
my dauter shit i forgot her name. oh right Fifi, i knew it was sumthin dog like
Number of ppl in your phone book?
shit like 500
Number of ppl you love?
Number of ppl who love you?
Number of things you've done illegally?
depends on the state
Number of ppl you like?
Number of ppl you've kissed?
Number of ppl youve seen naked?
Number of countries you've been to?
Whats your weakness?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
ryan cabrera;s hair... no not on top of his head
The last person who hit on you?
The last person you hit on?
The last thing you broke?
my glass dildo
The last thing you fixed?
the cavalier... sumbody shot it w. a paint gun. f you the cast of malcolm in da middle
The last memory you made?
this mornin- hey demi and ashton!
Last person you talked to?
the guy who does the commericals for the jewelry store at 96th st and hague road
The last person who died?
camilla RIP but she wuz no good
The last thing you ate?
The last time you laughed?
its been awhile
The last person you hung out with and had the best time?
honestly? james van der beek when we took a little canoe ride down the creek. oh shit that wasnt me it was that joey girl
The last time you got in trouble?
probably when i violated my probation!
Last thing you wished for?
3 biggest fears right now?
montez wantin to go 2 college (he got a 1590 on his SATs and hes only um 12 i think... hes between 6 and 18 thats all i knows), my fake nails fallin off, the po-leece takin my weed
3 things you're excited about?
p. diddy's party, martha and me's reunion, kim goin 2 jail
3 biggest needs right now?
sex sex and sex!
1 thing your life needs
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: full house theme song (cuz i be watchin the dvds)
March 2nd, 2005
|11:43 am - I iz soooooooo pissed ya'llz|
Did u know i wuz up 4 a grammie?? me neither! until we lost and i wuznt even invited. how does that plastic WHORE kimberly get invited to dis shit?? we used 2 be friends back at Tech, we wuz both in the math and science magnet. well, for 3 mos. cause i dropped out freshman year to be a good mom. but anyway we uzed 2 clown and do triganometree and play paintball in the alleys. then she totally jacked my shit!! fuck you kimberly.
anywayz so last nite in was chillin wit the Game and he haz a nice land rover except the window that got shot out. and guess what?? he told me i could be in g unit! but then yesterday 50 kicked him out of g unit so i called lloyd banks and asked if i was still in and he laughed his ass off. i said fuck you lloyd. murder inc's lloyd is way better! when i said that he fend to get petty. 10 minutes later guess who shows up at my door other than young buck! why he try to beat the shit outta me?? i was mad. montez called the cops and they arrested ME!!! they said i was disturbin the peace. i was like naw i was SUPPOSED to be in g unit till they kicked me out with the Game im not in disturbing the peace with luda but one time i did give chingy a hand job behind In-N-Out burger.
anyway so they arrested me again and since i iz on probation they locked me up! mama (the black woman from Ghost) bailed me out but she wuz so mad! she took away my new car (nelly gave me the dodge magnum from his video with murphy lee). so now im at home again and mama told me to "think bouts what ive done." fuck you whoopi! you werent even very good in anything except the little rascals and corrina corrina! but i guess it did put food on the table. yo im out!!
peace, love, and the st lunatics
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: i'm so ronery- kim jong il
February 9th, 2005
|11:09 am - this aint no kool aid in my cop gimme some of dat grey goose!|
Hey This B montez--- i cracked my mama's codes and passwords online in order to find out more bouts her. she be lyin her azz off bouts me! first off, i do NOT weigh 504 pounds and look like a piece of shit and she made up that mah dad iz kobe. itz obvious my dad is either deantonnnii or donald becuz im half white (or maybe albino). at least i aint maybe half dog like my sister fifi (cause you know her dod might be spot from the little rascalz).
anyway i actually weigh 495 but lizten my mom needs help. she keeps sayyin she gon' cop us a mansion but it aint happening! she aint even potty trained us! shes a sex addict and this is not a healthy environment for my sister to grow up in. i mean grandmama helps us and so does joe and so did pun before he died. pun even got mama a gastric bypass! yup she was a tank! nearing 300 now she is thin and a slut. im afraid just being in the same bath water as her will have me catchin her whatever she has that makes her cooter crusty,
NEWAYZ. i jus wanted 2 say there iz 2 sides to every story. sometimes i wish me and fifi were potty trained and went to skool but all in good time. its hard to have a mom whoz always in prison or the studio or da streetz but we cope. oh shit here she cums and she looks mad and that broom handle looks rilly wet. BYE! SEND MONEY, FOOD STAMPS, FOOD, WEED, BEER, ALKOHOL, GLUE, TENTS, RIMS, CALCULATORS, AND GAMEBOIZ. BYES!!!!!!!!!!
Current Mood: scared of mama who is so horny
Current Music: take my breath away- jessica simpson
January 21st, 2005
|10:45 am - i kan give u anything u kan handel- FREEK A LEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111|
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
2. the notorious R.I.M.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
3. JaRulez05 (current)
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my wide set vagina allows for double penetration
2. my ability 2 overcum obstakles (like gettin preggers or Big Pun dying)
3. math skills. cosine like a mug!!!
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ((DISLIKE)) ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my teeth (i have 2 wear dentures cause mine fell out but i gives good head so i guess i do kinda like it and so does ja)
2. im a very private and emotional gal
3. the fact my anal rip gots an infectshun
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
3. oklahoma (hey daddy!)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. never findin tru luv
2. never getting respeck from my peers- aka the academy awardz
3. carson daly's penis becuz its the most massive thing ive ever seen!
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. The BIble
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. mossimo toe sox
2. fur (faux) tube top
3. thats it
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
1. TERROR SQUAD!!!!!!!!!
2. maroon 5 - she will be luved waz written bouts me!
3. garth brooks
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. a 7-sum
2. coppin a manshun
3. moo goo gai pan
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. sum1 who will supprt me ($$$$$$$$$)
2. buys me things like food, rent, and carz
3. sum1 who wont turn me in 2 da north carolina police
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (you guess which is which)
1. I go 2 church 3 times a week
2. I love my children
3. my nickname in high school (tech) was "the gimp"
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. buy me thingz
2. looks good
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO RIGHT NOW:
1. masturbate--- im at the liberry!
2. drive--- apparently my licenze was revoked when i crashed my 645i which by the way was actually mamas but mtv said it was mine so i wuldnt look dum
3. see big pun cuz he is dead cept we did dig up his body halloween 2002 when we wuz playin "big pun in the graveyard" which iz a copy of white folks game 'ghost in the grave yard" PS- then me and joe did it on the coffin
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. rappin in the shower
2. going 4 walks in central park w/ granmama and grandpers
3. visiting neverland ranch--- Wee itz fun!
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. get my record out
2. cop a manshun
3. eat sum tacos
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. molecular biologist
2. organic chemistry engineer (my 2 best subjecks--- MATH and SCIENCE)
3. game show host (i hear trebek is retiring)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. connetikut to see martha in jail
3. the meadows
THREE KID'S NAMES
2. Lil Wayne oh wait thats my cuzin
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. become baptized
2. thank demi for all shes done
3. confess 2 demi bouts me and ashton and bruce (willis)
THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS NOW, NO, MAKE THAT FIVE:
3. mama aka the black woman from Ghost
Current Mood: so horny im shakin
Current Music: everybody has AIDS- team america (big pun remix)
January 8th, 2005
|01:44 am - i iznt dead!!|
TEN random things about me:
10. i could only afford one tit implant so in my left boob, we stuck in a baggie filled wit grape jelly
9. my favorite kolor is c.r.e.a.m.
8. i read the bible daily
7. i anal daily
6. i had a threesum w fat joe and fat albert aka kenan from Kenan and kel oh and kel wuz there 2 so it wuz a 4sum
5. my idol iz mandy moore
4. i never graduated frum middle skool
3. i hold the world record for games of battle tetris on my Ti-83 plus oh and i sucked T.I. last nite too "bring em out' indeed
2. my children are my life except when im busy
1. i lost my virginity to scott baio aka chiachi from happy dayz but i was 7 and he wuz 24 so we dont talk bouts it
NINE ways to win my heart:
9. open to new positions
7. make me orgasm anally and orally
6. dont cum on my sheets
5. rub my back
4. give me a car or money or drugz
3. tell me i iz beautiful
2. Like my muzick
1. be good at finite math
EIGHT things i wanna do before i die:
8. chelsea clinton
7. teresa heinz kerry
6. get married (for $$)
1. mature ladies
SEVEN things that annoy me:
7. boiz who wont do me cuz they have nasty girlfriendz
6. montez--- especially when he shits in the kitchen
5. that week between waxing
4. wind chimes!
3. george w bush's foreign and environmental policies
2. people who claim not 2 B kinky
1. gay boiz on coke who wont do me
SIX things i believe in
4. nipple clamps and they're pleasurable intentions
3. the santity of marriage
2. The Bible
1. Jesus Christ
FIVE things i am afraid of:
5. gonorrhea cummin back
3. getting frisked at the airport
1. losing isaiah- oh wait thats halle berry not me
FOUR of my favorite items in my room
4. My jelly filled anal strap on
3. hello kitty tissue dispenser
2. my bible that ashton bought for me for my bday
1. autographed poster of J.T.T.
THREE things i do everyday:
2. scream at those ungrateful, stupid, disgusting, ignorant ingrates aka my children!
TWO things i want to do rite now:
2. make love to ted nugent--- he likes gunz!
1. get my rekord out!
ONE person i want to see rite now:
1. J.C. chasez and J.C hrist
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: my heart will go on- celine dion (terror squad 05 mix)
November 25th, 2004
|10:10 pm - happy turkey day!! gobble gobble (this pussy)|
i love thanksgiving. i wokes up at 9 am this morning to make dinner! first i put the turkey in the oven. then i gots real excited over the crisco so i slathered up and masturbated for an hour until i remembered i didnt turn the oven on so then i did. happy! i got the rest of the gang to bring the rest of the food: cranberries (laced with heroin), pumpkin pie (laced with ecstacy), mashed potatoes (sprinkled w/ coke), green beans (laced with viagra), and salad (with SPECIAL cum dressing). it was so good. at 4, we all sat down 2 eat. this is we: deantonnii, mama, montez, fifi, jacky, todd, frankie m, joe millionaire, my big fat obnoxious fiancee, the kerrys, cassidy, bruce springsteen, the terror squad, grandmama, and grandpers. we all went around the tabel saying what we wuz thankful 4. i am thankful 4: chlamydia being curable, coconut flavored condoms, graphing calculators, and carbs. its been a CRAZY year!
i mean did you see me on the cover of DUB magazine??? YES? they wuz like here are sum free rims so i gots 13's on the cavalier, which by the way, goddamn montez wrekked in the back. he tried to run me over that P.O.S. anywayz i gotta run, the seinfeld special is oN! ttyl!
love and dave matthews
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: lifestyles of the rich and famous (fat joe battle version)
November 8th, 2004
|11:25 am - When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home|
Last time I updated i wuz in a bit of a panick about george w bush running our cuntry, so i realize my entry wasnt very throurough... good. so anywayz, i gots me a new man! i was walking home frum da studio (cause montez had to borrow the cavalier, sumthin bouts a demolition derby). anyway, so i see this gorgeous man sittin in a box so i say hey and guess who it be??? UNCLE JESSE! he is 2 fine. so he wuz shivering and i felt bad and i sed whats wrong and he sed he got evicted so i sed cum over and he sed i dont know you and i sed youre uncle jesse and i iz remy from terror squad and he was like oh youre the lean back girl and i was like yeah and he was like coo im john stamos and i was like oh youre not uncle jesse and he was like yeah my real name is john stamos so i said whatever. we went back 2 my apartment and he had a bath and i made him some pancakes. we only had bread and butter so i just sat on the bread and made it flat like uh pancake. anywayz, jesse was tellin me bouts his life. he kept sayin the tanners werent real but i knew better. he sed one time he an danny watched becky get naked!! and jack off! and then they circle jerked!!! coo.
but yeah, he iz eal sweet. he went downs on me without even me havin 2 ask. he has a kinda small weiener, but he is just so damn fine it aint matter, i came anyway. he left in the middle of the nite sayin 'thanx 4 everythin but i gots 2 go'. it was real fun anyway.
apparently, ja is leavin me behind for jay-z. wtf!! I MADE YOU WHO YOU IZ, JA! he was no good anyway. he came 2 quick. well, me and petey pablo have 2 meet, we're cuttin a track called "Black and WET!" yay! momma and me is goin ice skatin tonite. i think jacky mite cum along, too. well, i guess since he is siamese twins, todd will also be along. 2 legs, 1 body, 2 dicks, cant get much better. time to make like a banana and split!
love and coconut flavored condoms
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: full house theme- terror squad mix/ rumors- lindsay lohan
November 3rd, 2004
|11:29 pm - take a chance u stupid ho|
shit you know, i worked my azz off for that man. no, not deantonni. im talking john fucking kerry. i treasure him. and john edwards! one time, we had a threesome in the back of the bus, cause thats how remy does it, in da back. now my dreams have been crushed. how can THAT man run MY cuntry?? remy does not approve! ya know i iz real poor and bush dont help me oine bit. montez and fifi have to eat dog chow (mainly cuz fifi's dad might be a golden retriver but thats another story). ok wellz anyway
i be recordin and skeetin and politicking and reading. last week i read the bible, the story of ruth, it really opened my heart. god is so fucking important to me. fat joe hasnt returned my calls in 2 weeks! fuck you joe. but last nite, me, demi, patrick, donald, frankie, omarosa, kelly clarkson, m.j, landon, rev camden, and condoleeza played scattergories at the parking lot of the shrimp hut. it wuz tite. afterwords, me, ruben, and clay had sex. except clay jus watched caue he sed he likes white boiz so i aint white or a boy so shit.
ok i gotta cut! byes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love and abortions
Current Mood: horny
Current Music: lean back- gwen stefani acoustic